Monday, July 24, 2006

What can a farewell do...?

"She'd forgotten that because it's painful to have nothing but farewells..."
-Mayauru

I finished all episodes of Kimi ga Nozomu Eien yesterday, and well... I was quite shocked. XD Some scenes are a bit ecchi. Lol. I wasn't expecting that. Although, all in all, the story is good except the ending where Takayuki Narumi's choice was kind of depressing... x_x

Anyway, on to my real entry...

Somehow, I feel stupid... for some reason I don't even have to deal with... I don't know if I'm just being oversensitive or my single-mindedness or just plain stupidity... I don't even know which part of me should I blame... not anymore...

I told Chezka everything last night and she kept on telling me to forget about it... just forget about all of it. But the warmth... I feel like I'm just living by the shattered pieces of memories glimmering on its own. I know that the best thing that I can do is to wait... but that, I can't do anymore... Waiting doesn't assure you of something anyway...

I told myself that this is enough... I won't push myself farther than I could anymore... Maybe... maybe there are some prayers that can't really be granted even if you've spent a lot of time and effort for it... Maybe... giving it all up is the best of what I can do... I know I wouldn't be happy but somehow I'll move on...

I've hurt enough... but I wouldn't want to regret... not now, not anymore. Maybe there's a reason behind my decisions that I have yet to find out, but for now... I just have to live by it. If it won't kill me... then it will only make me stronger... that I hope...

I promised myself that I would no longer post something like this but I just have to let it all out for the last time. Maybe this is for the better, after all. Someone told me that I'm just making things complicated because I really don't want to give it all up... how can I... give up something that... special...? But then again, it's just me... there's no use holding on anymore... I should have listened long before... but I won't take my words back...

It is still a beautiful dream... I guess it's time for me to stop dreaming...

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