State of Confusion. Lol.

This won't be in hiatus anymore, I've decided that I'll just finish my pixel layout and study more of PHP so I can be hosted already. =D The Tsubasa Chronicles I've been making started to look like a wallpaper instead of a header so I guess I'll skip the Tsubasa Chronicles skin for the meantime.

*At school right now*

<3 <3 <3 I need to go <3 <3 <3 I'll update more tomorrow!

Utsuro Kokoro

Utsuro Kokoro

Distant kisses melts away
Like it has never touched my lips before
Every word turns fragile
Fast falling to the floor

Where will you place me after all our days?
Where should I stand when our story ends?
Could you tell me how to stop this insanity?
I've never felt so empty, I've never felt this empty

We can stay this way
then maybe we can stay this way forever
I won't lie to you but you'll never know the truth
We can stay with this silence
I'll try to live with your silence
then maybe I'll learn to fake my own reality
The truth that you'll never dream with me

Slowly getting jaded
Trying to catch each fragment of what had been
Maybe someday I'll learn to pretend
That you are really not what you seem

So I play on
With the games you lay in front of me
You never get tired, you'll never get tired
Until you bring me back to my reality

Behind the smile is my every waking fear
That one day lies may run out of reasons to stop the tears
And I will never stop falling, can never stop breaking
From my everything, from my everything

Distant kisses fading away
Like it has never touched my lips before
Every promise turns fragile
Fast falling to the floor...

- by Donna

*this post has been edited (08.27.06) . Title change.*

Unwanted Pounds and Wonderful Memories.

I don't know how many pounds I've gained yesterday.

Food is better if you have someone to share it with.

Like isaw and other grilled insides which names you really don't know.

Yummy.

Yesterday was a blast! XD To stop myself from moping around and get on with the healing process, Chezka invited me to go over her place. I arrived at her place around lunch time and they were just ready to eat. I literally had my diet go flush when I had lunch with them! XD Her mom's really a good cook and Chezka won't allow me to leave the table without eating just too much. Two slices of pork chop, fried chicken and to *large* cups of sotanghon and two cups of rice... I couldn't even stand after the meal! Haha! XD

After we had lunch, we decided to watch a movie. Chezka was offering some romantic-comedy dvds but I refused to watch something sappy. =/ (blame it on...) so we opted for something different... a really insane choice. We decided to watch The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. LOL! What were we thinking?! I don't know! XD Acting all brave, I told Chezka that it's alright, that we'll watch it full. But after watching the intro, about 15 minutes of the movie, we were already hiding behind the throw pillows and just couldn't talk. XD After all the tapang-tapangan, we looked at each other and I blurted out just before I could stop myself, "Chezka, yung Korean comedy na lang". She quickly agreed and pushed the stop button! XP However, to fill our curiosity, we watched all the trailers of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and we're fine with the trailers alone. XD So after the trailers, we watched a really weird Korean movie were a young girl was cursed and needed to get married before reaching 16 years old to someone named Oldan, and they needed to have a baby too! O_o so when she met this guy named Oldan, she decided to seduce him and eventually rape him. LOL! We were laughing our hearts out because it was really hilarious! A girl raping someone way taller than her... @_@. Weird plot!

After the movie, Chezka and I went to Fatima, reminiscing our high school days. XD It is where all the food stands are located, and they were literally street foods. XD She treated me to almost everything carcinogenic (pineapple juice, help me!). Our first meal was isaw, and that was my second time to eat it. It has this really weird feel in it, tasted like chicken and was pretty rubbery and soft... XD After eating isaw, we moved on to what looked like similar to isaw except it had little tube-like with it. What was that? That I don't know. XD It tasted like barbeque too. XD Then, on with the other carcinogen-on-sticks and all whatnots… I thought we're going to die of hepa! XD Chezka insisted that we order another round of all the carcinogen-on-sticks, until I couldn't swallow them anymore! But it was really fun and yummy, even if we smelled like barbeque. Haha.

They also sell pearl shakes to accompany the street foods, and watermelon with candy toppings just my fave! =D

To complete the fun, Chezka accompanied me to buy a Sun sim card since there was a nearby computer shop selling it. XD Waiiii! After all the promises I made ages ago, our dream came true! XD Whee~~ unlimited call and text! ^____^

At around five, we bid our goodbyes since I needed to go home. Thanks Chezka!! My hair smells like barbeque smoke still, but it's okay, I love you and your place. =D

Arriving home was another surprise for me. Turns out that mom invited my childhood friends whom I have not seen for years! Rachel's all grown up, and way taller than me now, Janin was unrecognizable coz she looked more like a lady. We had fun talking until 12 midnight about everything. Make-up, movies, cell phones, iPods, boyfriends and flings (haha!), school, college, food, couples who do much pda's and even Catholicism, muslims, and other religions! Lol! XD

I missed them all sooooooo much! To add to that, mom cooked something for us to eat (and I ate again =/) and had a feast.

I might have gained a few unwanted pounds but really, food is way better with friends who wouldn't mind getting fat with you. ^___^

Thanks guys. =D

Silence

"The warmth of a cold December night
Stars scattered up in the sky
A tear drops for every heartache
A heart breaks for every lie..."

-an excerpt from the poem "Silence"
by Donna.

Untitled.

It's the time of the day when all I want to do is to runaway to a place no one knows and no one cares about -- if not that, then just hide under the covers and just wake up when everything's fine again...

I want to scream out of frustration... out of sadness... out of anger... but whenever I bring myself to do that, for once in my life, I always end up to what I do best... every hurt turns into tears...

I want to straighten things out for the last time before my sanity breaks away from me... but then... I'm never someone else's priority to start with... Guess I'm just dreaming too much that everything will turn out fine...

Who was I kidding back then?!

I've been telling myself that I should just get over it since it's my fault anyway...

So what should I do?

Forget about personal issues regarding...

Just concentrate...
Studies. Studies. Studies.

I don't know if burning myself with books can make me forget.

But it's the only thing I can do now.

Life's never a box of chocolates... Just full of shit.

Plastic Barbie Dolls and Synthetic Butterflies

Just because I don't wear make up
Doesn't mean I don't know how
Just because I love sneakers
Doesn't mean I can't walk in heels
Just because I'm not into late-night outs
Doesn't mean I don't know how to have fun
Just because I prefer not to be too made up
Doesn't mean I don't fix myself
Just because I'm carefree and sometimes childish
Doesn't mean I'm immature.

I don't really understand why some people think that if you're not into make-up and other frilly stuff, you're immature. I have nothing against all the kakikayan and all the glamour, for heaven's sake, I collect fashion magazines!

I know I can be childish in a lot of ways. I still love going to the children section just to check out pink trinkets and Disney stuff. I won't deny the fact that I love backpacks. I know that I can be shallow in a whole lot of ways, I'm happy with simple things. I don't ask for much to make me smile. It's that easy.

But that doesn't make me immature. Sometimes I can be, and I won't deny that fact. But I do know when and how to stop such immaturity.

I hate it when people label you like they really know you. But the fact is: They do not even know a fraction of who you are besides your name and your age. It can get really annoying that they'll befriend you and act so sweet but are actually bashers, hitting you on your back.

I may not act too mature but I do know I'm somewhere in between. For God's sake, I only turned 17 this year! Maybe I can't do everything but what I do know is that I'm real. I am not plastic. When I hate you, I won't talk to you. That's that. But I do not hold grudges long, short silent treatments aren't lethal. But I do know when it is my fault and when it's not.

To that someone: You're much much older than me. And I respect you a lot. I just hope you do know how to act real.

If you don't like me, then I don't care.

You're not my loss anyway.

Bitterness

Quick Updates:

1. Had my midterm exam for P.E awhile ago. Got one mistake. Yay!
2. Barely done with the presentation for Population Dynamics.
3. Danced and walked at St. Paul's plaza, under the rain.
4. Went to the mall with my friends last thursday, all eight of them. It was going perfect until the LRT stopped. We were laughing so hard that time, but actually, that experience was slightly traumatic.
5. Still hoping for a high grade in Filipino. But a senior told us that our prof hates Masscomm students since five freakin years ago, so chances are, well... lower grade. Come on! That is sooo unfair.
6. Had our third mod exam for history, augh... and for the 3rd time, I got the same score.
7. Wants to play Ragnarok Online again changed my mind for the nth time.
8. Watched horror movies alone. It wasn't scary. It was lonely. >_<

Ah well. It's one of those days again. Rainy and cold. Lol. I'm not really feeling good, after reading some posts I don't even have to deal with. It's my fault anyway, for being too curious. And I hate every inch of it. Bitter. Haha.

I miss the days when everything was perfect~~~

Guess nothing can really be perfect unless it is in your imagination.

Waii... I want it all back. T_T