Round of Fate

There are, still, so many things that I wanted to say but everytime I try to, words just can't tell them enough...

I don't really know if I'm truly happy or I'm just truly bored of everything. I'm thankful that I've got less problems now, and that academically speaking - I'm okay. Actually, I feel like I'm leaping from subject to subject thinking that I must have heard all these lessons before...

A friend of mine had told me that she'll shift to nursing comes next sem or next year. She really love masscomm that was why she transferred from med to broadcast journalism. and now, she realized that masscomm isn't for her. She said that this course that we're in uses their knowledge through creativity and that a lot of self confidence is required, she's not ready for that, she said. That made me doubt myself. What about me? Am I really for this course? We're just starting, and we're not even near to the core of the course and I'm doubting already... maybe because I don't want to waste days and days just to realize that I'm not up for this, in the long run. What if I really must be in a different course? In the subject I know I'm excelling at, not because I find it easy (like english) but because I truly love it? I don't even know if being a newscaster is really my dream because if you knew me way back on my childhood days, all I wanted was to be an astronaut. And yes, I'm not kidding. Science-related subjects fascinates me the most but is really difficult for me once my laziness strikes in, maybe that is why I've given up on that dream. Plus, isn't that just too much? An astronaut - yeah, right. You need to be really really intelligent to catch up, and I'm not too confident with that... it's an expensive dream...

Everyone's telling me that I'd be a good journalist, and everyone must have thought that it's really what I'm passionate about. But... I really don't think so.

So what am I doing in this course...?

Or more, what am I doing in St. Paul...?

Everything, just everything fell into place, all of a sudden. Maybe I'm caught between fate and my dreams, only fate's much much more stronger in a lot of things...

... am I even happy with where I am now (in all aspects)...?

not really...